For Mr Chappy
by serendip
Summary: Rukia is a Mr. Chappy scavenger. Unfortunately for Renji, Byakuya knows this as well. A night of drinking, fun and poetry.


**For Mr. Chappy**

Thanks, kt, you're the best! To Miss Kristina, my inspiration, always for j00! And Pei Yi, despite our artistic differences.

"If we're going to be drinking to –your- health, we should drink in –your- house," Renji muttered.

"I don't think it's a good idea to have it here," Rukia said, glaring up at Renji.

"Why? It's not like you're going to be the one paying for the booze," Renji snarled.

"That's true, Abarai-kun. I will be paying for the booze, as you put it, so crudely," Byakuya said.

The two of them jumped, looking like two children caught with their hands in the honey pot.

"And since I shall be the one paying, I think I would like to be present. It shall be a celebration for the return of Rukia, to hale and true form," Byakuya said.

Rukia stood behind Byakuya, sticking her tongue out at Renji.

Renji made an obscene gesture, out of Byakuya's line of sight. She hopped nimbly to the other side, sticking her tongue out at Renji. Byakuya smiled slightly before heading towards the kitchens. Renji and Rukia continued their silent exchange until they could no longer hear Byakuya's steps. They stopped, leaning against the wall.

"I told you he would crash the party. Hand it over, Renji," Rukia said, thrusting her palm towards him.

"No Mr. Chappy crossing your palms until the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu comes off and Captain is singing sappy old love songs," Renji said as he slapped her palm.

"I need an incentive to pour, Abarai-kun," Rukia fluttered her eyelashes.

Renji rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he snapped, tossing a package of soul candy at Rukia.

She squealed upon seeing the bunny head.

"But no more until you see this through," Renji said.

"Have some faith, Renji. A Kuchiki always keeps her word," she said with a toss of her head.

The maid informed Renji that Byakuya and Rukia were sitting in the formal receiving room. Renji raised an eyebrow at this information but shrugged. Perhaps the return of a lost Kuchiki warranted such grandeur. It made the Captain's fall from grace all the harder. Renji straightened his kimono carefully. He wore Rukia's favorite headband to commemorate this event—red, green, and blue plaid with Chappy heads splashed throughout. A remainder of her duty, in case she forgot herself.

The door slid open. Byakuya and Rukia sat before a low table. On the table were three glasses and a large pot of sake with a small fire beneath it.

"Welcome, Abarai-kun. I am pleased to see you," Byakuya said, rising. Rukia rose as well, bowing slightly. Renji smirked.

"Captain, Rukia, evenin'," he said, plopping down in front of one of the glasses. "The party can begin now."

Rukia raised both her eyebrows but said nothing. She poured first for Byakuya, then Renji and lastly for herself.

"To Rukia's return and health," Byakuya said, raising his glass.

Everyone drained their glass in one gulp. Renji grabbed the pot and poured another for Byakuya. The Captain smiled, cradling his glass in his hands and nodded towards the pot.

"Please, partake freely, Abarai-kun. As a host, I am unstinting with my sake and will not begrudge you," Byakuya said.

Rukia rolled her eyes and poured Renji a glass. She poured one for herself as well. Renji tossed back the contents of his glass, wiping his mouth and sighing lustfully.

"Not so fast, churl. Show some respect," Rukia hissed, attempting to kick Renji's shin under the table.

She connected with his knee and Renji howled. Byakuya's smile grew a fraction wider.

"He is overwhelmed, Rukia, do not berate him. Besides, I am grateful to Abarai-kun. He was able to keep my promise better than myself," Byakuya said, looking first at Renji and then at Rukia.

Rukia melted visibly under Byakuya's gaze, her anger slipping away. Their eyes were locked—they were sharing thoughts. Renji suddenly felt left out. Some Kuchiki promise this was. He was not handing over a gross of Chappy soul candy to watch Kuchiki mind meld take place. Byakuya swallowed the rest of his sake, placing his glass down firmly. He leaned towards the pot and Renji yelped, jumping up from his seat to beat his Captain to the punch. Their hands brushed for the briefest moment and Renji blushed, startled by the touch of calluses against the back of his hands. Byakuya sank back down in his cushion.

"I forget myself, it seems. I was never one for drink," Byakuya said, a faint redness creeping into his cheeks.

Renji blinked. Surely it would not be so easy. He poured one for Byakuya and then himself.

"Thanks, Captain, but I can pour for myself. Besides, there's always the little girl," Renji said with a chuckle.

Rukia downed the rest of her sake and then poured herself another glass, all the while glaring at Renji. Renji snickered to himself. They did not call him the man with the hollow leg for nothing. This was going to be a fun evening.

Many, many pots later, the mood of the room had lightened noticeably. Both Byakuya and Rukia were bright red, their kimonos loosened to a considerable degree. Byakuya's scarf lay forgotten, its shimmering white length pooling around him. Renji could barely contain his glee. They hadn't even finished a keg of sake. These nobles were lightweights. Rukia leaned against him, reaching for the pot. After several attempts, she managed to connect with the handle. She poured carefully into Byakuya's glass, then Renji's and then her own. Returning the pot to its original perch, however, seemed beyond her. The pot clattered, causing some of the precious liquid to spill onto the table.

"Oops," Rukia said, giggling helplessly. She leaned forward, as if to clean the mess, instead sprawling messily onto Renji's lap. Renji blushed as he tried to help Rukia right herself, his hands circling her waist. She leaned in, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. For a moment, he forgot his revenge, wishing the Captain wasn't here, that meddling noble sticking his nose where it did not belong. As if on cue, Byakuya rose shakily from his seat, gently shaking the sake pot.

"I am loathe to say this, but I believe we have finished yet another pot and have before us only an empty receptacle," Byakuya said. "And if pressed, I would admit that may be our last pot. As penance for this shortcoming, I will recite, a dry substitute for our liquid entertainment, but all that remains at my disposal."

Renji would not fall on Zabimaru, it was an insult to him. But a tempting thought nonetheless. The Captain! Reciting poetry? Perish the thought. Byakuya cleared his throat. Rukia straightened herself, leaving only a lingering warmth.

"A lone orb against

the sky, it travels alone

through the dark expanse

of night, seeking sign of

his fellow rabbit and man."

"Bravo, niisama, bravo!" Rukia squealed, clapping loudly. "Just like a hero in a shoujo manga."

Byakuya blushed a deeper red, verging on purple. He glided over to Renji, kneeling down next to him.

"What did you think of the poem, Abarai-kun?" Byakuya asked, peering at Renji through his eyelashes.

"Uh, not bad, I guess," Renji mumbled, staring into his empty glass, the safest spot in the room.

"I could pen another, if you'd like," Byakuya continued, still peering through his eyelashes.

Renji scooted away, the smell of sake on Byakuya's breath overpowering him.

"Lines of black etched on

pale skin, brow, neck, arms, and back,

how low do they go

and what do they mean, questions

to ponder over sake."

Rukia fell to the floor in a fit of giggles. Renji's gaze was now fixed on the wall. It was a fascinating wall. Byakuya draped an arm around Renji's shoulder, his breath hot in Renji's ear.

"Did you like that, my Vice-Captain?" Byakuya asked, the tip of his tongue flicking his ear.

"IhavesomewhereIneedtobe" Renji said, struggling to get up. Byakuya hooked his other arm around Renji, keeping him pinned against the table.

"Such pretty hair, Abarai-kun. A liability in battle, of course, but such a pity, hiding it all the time," Byakuya murmured, freeing Renji's hair from its scarf. The long silky red tresses spilled down Renji's back. Rukia crawled over and began petting Renji's hair as well.

"Pretty, pretty, like a fire," Rukia sang.

"Very pretty," Byakuya said before leaning in and kissing Renji hard on the mouth, his hands tangled in Renji's hair. At this precise moment, Renji had decided to open his mouth, excuse half-out his throat, Byakuya's tongue half-in. Renji began gagging, pressing his hands against Byakuya's chest, away. Byakuya worked his fingers through the long red locks, pulling Renji closer. Rukia lay on the floor, giggling hysterically.

"Mmmrmphle," Renji said, still struggling.

"Hmm, what was that, Abarai-kun?" Byakuya asked, pulling away.

"Mmrphle," Renji continued, now nearly as red as Byakuya and Rukia.

"He's trying to say no, niisama," Rukia gasped, between giggles.

"Rukia, I believe you forget your duty as a Kuchiki," Byakuya said, straightening himself so that he could glare properly down his nose at Rukia.

She frowned as she considered Byakuya's words. Byakuya sighed and nuzzled his head against the crook of Renji's neck. Renji whimpered without comment from the Kuchikis.

"You must come to the aid of the head of your house, Rukia. Even if it requires great sacrifice on your part, you must remember duty," Byakuya said, his eyes not quite focusing. Renji noted it was an impressive speech, undiminished by his lack of motor skills. There was hope yet. He could take the two of them, impaired as they were.

"What is my duty, niisama?" Rukia asked; her dutiful pose ruined only by the shaking of her shoulders and a slight slur.

"Disrobe. Abarai-kun can't move if he's in a lustful stupor," Byakuya said, fumbling with Renji's obi.

"Oi, Rukia's skin and bones wouldn't turn on a bull in heat," Renji shouted.

"You'll eat your words," Rukia said as she slipped out of her clothes.

He was wrong—she had grown since the academy. Mastumoto probably had more of a rack when she was 12, but you couldn't blame Rukia for being little. Byakuya was too busy to gloat, tracing Renji's tattoos with his tongue, down his neck, pinching his nipples, then nipping at them lightly with his teeth. Byakuya ripped his hakama open, murmuring about ripples and strength--more poetry, perhaps. Renji attempted to cover himself, but Byakuya swatted his hands away.

"My, that must of hurt," Byakuya said, letting out an appreciative whistle. "It's a rather thorough job. All those flaps of skin must make it rather tedious though."

"Lemme see," Rukia demanded, leaping on top of them.

"Rukia, defer to niisama, if only for a moment. You'll have your turn," Byakuya said. "Now please kiss Abarai-kun. His whimpering is rather distracting."

Rukia obliged and Renji tried not to question this turn of events, ignoring the descent of Byakuya's wet mouth down his stomach to his groin. He stiffened and Rukia held tight to the sides of his face, refusing to let him move, her mouth hot and hungry against his.

"The tattoos haven't impaired its function in anyway. Clever, Abarai-kun. You must tell me who did it for you."

Renji's muffled gasp became a groan--the Kuchikis' smirks lost in the lines of Renji's sweaty, tense body.

Renji woke up the next morning, lodged firmly between Rukia and Byakuya. He had always known that Rukia snored, but the Captain was unbearably loud. If only there was some way to get loose. But his arms, his legs, he was trapped. He opened his eyes, the sun stabbing like white hot knives into his brain. A hangover! He wasn't even bloody drunk. How could he be hungover? Maybe if he crawled into his robes, he could convince them it was all a dream and they would never speak of it again. The Captain had been insatiable, demanding every ounce of Renji's energy. Renji's lip curled. It was easy for the Captain, all he had to do was lie there and take it, Renji noted sourly. Then, when Renji lay huddled in a ball, panting from exhaustion, Byakuya had turned to Rukia, who had been far too obliging, drunk or not. Creepiest of all, however, was when Byakuya watched him and Rukia, his gaze boring through Renji like a drill. Renji shuddered, trying to shake the memory away. Now, to plan his escape. He stirred slowly, but even that glacial movement sent jolts of pain through his body. He winced and Rukia turned suddenly, her eyes filling his vision.

"Good morning, Renji! Did you sleep well?" she chirped.

"…."

She smirked, swatting his nose.

"Better find another case of Chappy if you want me to keep quiet," she whispered into his ear.

"Why you little..." Renji hissed, the air whistling through his teeth.

At this point, Byakuya stirred. Byakuya sat up and began quietly donning his clothing.

"Good morning, Abarai-kun," he said, bowing. "I will ring for the maid—she will bring you some soup. Shunsui swears by it."

Byakuya paused, adjusting his scarf on his shoulders.

"We will drink another time, I hope? It was a pleasant way to pass the time."

Renji fell back onto the tatami, Rukia now digging her cold toes between his legs. Yamamoto's mission to the mortal world was looking more appealing by the minute.


End file.
